Lockout (C-)

If I could sum this movie up, it's The Rock + Con Air + Escape From New York but set in space.  15 years ago this would have been an ideal movie for me because I was into action flicks like this, I probably would have given it a higher rating too.  A sign of the times that I'm getting old I suppose, that sucks.

Guy Pearce has typically been a good actor in my eyes (L.A. Confidential, Ravenous, Memento, etc).  Good stuff.  He always surprises me with his perfect American accent too because he's got a pretty heavy Australian accent in real life.  Good work, Guy.  In this movie though it was a little over the top, like Bruce Willis in Die Hard.  He was trying too hard to have funny one-liners in the face of danger.  Evidently this piece was written by Luc Besson, the guy who did Professional and Fifth Element, so perhaps Luc's perception of American funny dialogue is limited by his Frenchiness and overexposure to Stallone and Arnold movies.  Bruce Willis had more believable quips in Die Hard is all I'm saying, and Guy Pearce's lines came off lame.

The bad guy (see below) was my only favorite part of the movie.  Not big physically (actually very scrawny), but completely nutso.  A truely homicidal psychopath, everytime he was left alone with someone he basically had to kill them.  His bodily behavior was loopy and twitchy too, kind of Heath Ledger Joker-ish.  The only thing that sucked was that his accent (Irish? Scotish?) was so thick I couldn't understand what the hell he was saying.  Like Brad Pitt in Snatch.  Funny at times, but mostly annoying.

Ok the end was completely goofy.  Not going to spoil it, but it's absurd.  And I'm not sure I remember the bad guy dying.  I guess it was inferred by something else that happens, but sometimes I like to see it happen, just for closure or some sort of demented pleasure that I can't explain. 

Overall, I don't need to see this movie again.  Maybe if it's on the Sci-Fi channel and there's nothing else on I might put it on, but otherwise it was a dud. 

Treefrog pee

Took this photo of a Pennsylvania tree frog seconds before it projectile peed on me and my daughter.  Shot like 4 feet!   Wahoot!   Is frog pee lethal?

Savages (D+)

Despite a true desire to see this movie because of a cool cast, sweet trailer with pump you up music by Eminem & Nate Dogg (RIP), and decent reviews (B+ per EW), in my opinion this movie quickly fell to pieces into a heap of steaming poo.  Maybe I shouldn't say "quickly", more like half-way through the movie.  It started off decent and had my interest, although I could have done without the scenes of naked men humping a hot actress...who shows nothing?  :(  And then the acting plunges into something like a direct-to-dvd piece of crap, not something you'd expect with Oliver Stone's name attached to it.  I cringed at each scene with Salma Hayek, her lines were so bad and delivered even worse.  Travolta was a butthead and even looked cross-eyed at times, and I'm not sure what Emile Hircsh's role was other than to talk about computer stuff with a far-out surfer dude accent.  The ending(s)...ugghhh.  Not even going to go there.  Questions:

1) how did Taylor Kisch's buddies from Iraq all still have all their crazy weapons, like sniper rifles and automatic machine guns, explosives for IED's and RPG's?  Does the Army let you bring that stuff home after a tour? 
2) does it hurt to get shot nowadays?  Didn't seem to phase Taylor because he got nailed like 8 times and kept going like the Terminator.  Just not realistic.
3) there were so many mess-ups with scenes, e.g. when Travolta calls Salma Hayek's character Lorena instead of Elena.  Doesn't anyone edit this stuff?  Did Oliver Stone watch the movie before it was released, or maybe he delegated that task to someone else who was retarded/drunk?  Also, there were like 16 scenes that should have been deleted.  Boring or pointless scenes, like when Blake is shopping.  So again, bad editing. Or maybe is was just a lack of a good story, so they filled in the 2 hours with garbage?
4) Benicio was really odd.  Like when Blake Lively spat a big hocker in his face, and then he wiped it and licked his fingers, and then wiped his face with her hair.  That's weird.  I like to imagine that a real Mexican cartel guy would just kill her instantaneously.  Boom, bullet to the head...or maybe chainsaw off the head I don't know.  Hollywood cartels are pretty bizarre for sure.

I seriously wanted to like this movie, but ultimately the end credits wouldn't roll up soon enough. Dragged on and on, lame acting, and poor movie-making in general. Not even cool in a make-fun-of-it kind of way, I just wanted it to be over.  Ok later.

Tree spooge